Flash Gordon

Mike Hodges, UK, 1980, 111 minutes

'Pathetic Earthlings... Who can save you now?’

There’s and old theoretical philosophical debate that poses the question of, should the circumstances ever arise, what would the greatest minds of antiquity select as the perfect movie going experience. Thusly imagine the scene, Plato, Socrates and Aristotle are hanging out on a rock in the middle of the Atlantic, free from the distractions that might hinder their intense palaver.

Aristotle:- Guys, I’m telling you, it’s got to be Flash. No other film, to my mind, has so painfully and accurately captured the human condition.

Plato:- What about the works of Bergman?

Aristotle:- Gah, pretentious and dull, I’d rather spend eternity reading your Republic.

Socrates:- Forrest Gump?

Plato and Aristotle glance at each other briefly, then throw Socrates of the rock, where he is impaled on the horn of a passing Narwhal.

Plato:- So why Flash Gordon?

Aristotle:- It’s the 80s remake of the classic 30s sci-fi serials, and the comics of Alex Raymond. Nothing bad ever came out of the 80s! Featuring an amusing ensemble cast including Max Von Sydow as the villainous Ming, Sam Jones as the titular Flash, Melody Anderson as Dale Arden, the insipid love interest, and Topol as the genius (in every sense of the word) Doctor Hans Zarkov. As well as this you’ve got cameos by Timothy Dalton, Richard O’ Brien and Brian Blessed.

Plato:- Well, you’ve got a point, Blessed is always value for money.

Aristotle:- Yes, and if you contrast Blessed’s deep enunciations with the fact that all of Sam Jones’ lines were overdubbed, either to create a sensation of spiritual dislocation for our hero or maybe the actor was just incapable of delivering his lines, you have a profound conflict between man’s desire and ability to communicate. Only set to the backdrop of a world in peril, threatened by alien invasion. And with a cool/cheesy Queen soundtrack.

Plato:- Well it’s better than Mars Attacks.

Aristotle:- So’s scrofula. Let’s get some kebabs in, and hone our perceptions through this cinematic masterpiece.

Review by Ben 'Cheap Hack' Wilkinson
Written for EUFS Programme Spring 2005